final thoughts

eu tenho que esperar por treis horas no aeropuerto. sigh.

i have to wait for about three hours in the airport before i leave for the US.
i can't believe i am going home. my life is still in transistion. while i will cherish the memories of the last two months, i ain't looking back.

my experience here has healed and rejuvenated my spirit. with this abundance of energy i am ready to move forward.

a few things i have learned about myself:

1. i can adapt to change

2. i am somebody (a la jesse jackson)

3. i am not afraid of the dark. i like the dark. makes you curiouser.

4. i am cute (especially in skirts)

5. i need ME time.

6. i can and should say "no" to people soaking up my energy; to wanting to buy thing just cause they are cheap; to hot boys (at least some of them). lol.

7. i can go anywhere i want to go

8. the further away i go the more i love the place from which i came.

meu deus! this place has been soooo good to me. it truly has. but i do not feel like i have to make brasil mine. brasil will never belong to me. it belongs to the brasilians. i think many people (including me) tend to want to make a city or a country there's becuase they had such a good time/experience when they were in that place.

i have been to several places that i wanted to make mine- london, den haag, paris, etc. but all this isn't necessary. i now believe that when you go to other places you can shake up your definitions of things, expand your boundaries. then embrace the new/modified realities you take back home with you and simply continue moving forward.

and that's exactly what i plan to do. :)

stay tuned for info on my foto album. if anybody knows how i can publish a bunch of photos for free online please let me know.

a few words on sao paolo

erica and lili, my brasilian amigas back home, did not recommend sao paolo even though they are from here.

but i have enjoyed my little bit of time here. my ideas of things have definately been shaken up and stirred.

first of all the icy cold weather challenges the ideas i had about south america which had been synonmous with HOT. it's like forty freakin' degrees here. whew! i have seen photos of the ice-capped mountains and people in furs, but somehow i did not did not include these in my understanding of this continent.

so when i arrived here on monday evening i was shocked (and frost-bitten) to say the least. ok. i am exagerrating but the 40 degree weather is hurtin a sister.

nonetheless, i openly accepted the coolness as it seems appropriate in this very concrete-made city. to my knowledge sao paolo is a city's city. there is not a tourist element to it at all. all the guide books (lonely planet, fodor's, etc) say "why would you ever go to sao paolo." jk. they don't say that but they don't provide much help at all in finding things to do here.

paulostinos are very handsome. again, though, my ideas of south america (well, brasil) and its inhabitants, were challenged. here you see much more fair skin, dark brown hair (and some red and blonde hair). there are lots of tall people including women. like really tall (i have seen women 6'1 or more). this is not to say that i think most people from south america are short. i know that i, at 5'11, am pretty much a giant anywhere i go on this planet. it was just odd for me to be in a place where the average height is more than 5'4. maybe like 5'7 or 5'8 which is a big difference.

it was also interesting to see so many asians who were clearly brasilian identified. a couple of years ago i saw a movie about a group of people living in japan who were descendents of japanese who had moved to brasil for work but later returned "home." hard to explain. but the point is i knew there was big population of japanese and other asians here in brasil, especially sao paolo. but actually being here experiencing their presence so to speak made me actually consider that the US is not the only "melting pot" in the world. in fact, we are not nearly as diverse as many other places.

i feel like the paulostinos are friendly- on the whole. most descriptions from erica, lili, the guidebooks say that these people are cold and unaffected. but i have had many people greet me with a smile or even a bit of conversation. the only coldness i felt besides the brisk winds was on the metro where the masses move like somber heards of cattle. this is like the 3rd largest city in the world.

a couple of hours before we were to leave i went out on my own to do some last minute guilt shopping. i happened upon this tiny jewelry store, luna accessories. totally my type of jewelry, eclectic and cheap!

the curly redhead was very cool. she let me try on everything and was cool when i bought like 1/8th of it (still a lot) . she was sad that i was leaving. in portuguese she said to me, "why did you come so late and leave so soon? you must return to sao paolo so we can go dancing. here's my card."

how can you not love this place!?!

rio II

8-8-04

ah rio. on friday me and O went to meet her professor. he is getting paid to be in rio and write a paper. must be nice. he is writing about neighborhoods that are inclusive vs. exclusive. it is apparently a very big subject in cities like rio and probably places like new york, london, etc. yawn.

he and his family are nice though. another history professor joined us for "ice cold" beer at this well known spot, Cervantes. me and history professors. well, the wife is a fellow attorney. so, that helped a lot, even though she was often occupied with their five month old baby. and the conversation actually focused on me. these people that study old stuff were completely fascinated by the on-line mediation work that i do. it was soooooo weird having people listen to me and ask all kinds of thoughtful questions. talk about the tables being turned.

that night my crew (me, o, and j) enjoyed a dinner at this fancy french restaurant, Olympé. in a word, OHMYGOD!!! it was freaking amazin!

we had such good food. parmesan scallops, escargot something or other, chocolate cake, banana tart, my favorie red wine (amarone), and lots of caipirinhas. holla! if you ever good to rio, please eat at Olympé. it ain't cheap. but it is so worth it.

afterwards, the now tipsy crew went to Lapa, which is another area of rio. i have no clue where it is geographically. but it is the area for going out. or so they say.

there were, in fact, lots of people out. but we couldn't seem to connect with the local energy. a lot of people were either really young/silly or just boring. nuthin like the snoop dogg video.

saturday was pretty uneventful. i worked for a couple of hours in a cold but cool (lol) bookstore. and i hung out with jason in barra. he bravely took the really long walk with me in search of harley davidson. man, we walked a long ass time. we finally found it, but it was closed. just closed thought. so that means i had to put my sweet talking in effect. it worked. the heavily armed hired security guy open the gates and let us in. it was kinda funny seeing the tan brown versions of my cousins and parents talking harley talk (i guess) in portugeuse. my mission was to purchase some harley rio t-shirts for my mother, daddy, cousin myrtle and cousin wilbert. no luck. the shirts they had wouldn't fit my finger. hopefully i will have luck in sao paolo. keep your fingers crossed! that night we had dinner at the copacabana hotel. very victorian. very old fashioned. afterwards we stood outside of HELP. this is a very, very famous club where anyone who wants to get their freak on in rio must go. we saw soooooooo many johns and their "dates." i am not drawing conclusions either. it was very obvious what was going on. i wish we woulda went in.

sunday i worked so more. then we went to the museum of contemporary art. or modern art. the kind that is hard to figure out. it was actually pretty neat though. the building looked like slabs of concrete in the shape of a long tee-pee. afterwards we went to the mall.

you know you are american if you going to another country and seek refuge (or at least a good time) in the mall. lol. we saw stepford wives. it's actually pretty funny.

when we returned to the hotel there were some american guys standing outside. we introduced ourselves and chatted a bit. one of the guys runs tours for this art gallery, http://www.octobergallery.com/.

it's was pretty funny exchanging salvador stories with them. we went our seperate ways, but then decided to follow them (without their knowledge). can you say high school? it was actually pretty funny and they were ok with our impromptu stalking. we went out for drinks and talked the most random things from music. i liked one of the guys and he lives in atl. but of course i don't have any game. so, i didn't give him my info when we said our goodbyes. oh well.

tomorrow we leave for sao paolo.

rio I

this entry (and all those after this) were written a long time ago. i had obstacles to gain access to the internet while in rio and sao paolo. then i got lazy. lol. but finally i am posting them.

August 7, 2004-- we (O and i) arrived in rio on thursday morning. i had no desire to come here. however, jason (my buddy from law school) wanted to visit me and he insisted that we meet in rio.

my initial plan was to travel down to rio solo. but somehow my inquiry for info on rio turned into an invitation to O. i am still trying to figure that one out. normally i am comfortable facilitating connections between friends from different groups. but i think it is usually a good idea not to do so when travelling. but O was travelling to Rio and she was very excited about joining me.

sidenote: i like O. she is a very smart person. she is also a closet freak, which makes her fun at times. but she is not a "fun" leader. meaning her lack of "fun" energy puts the burden on me to find the fun. does this make any sense? anyway.

the cab driver from the airport ripped us off. he charged the "normal" set fee. which came out to about $30!!! meu deus. he also tried to bait us into going to a different hotel. now already i am paranoid about rio. i mean i didn't see that movie "city of god", but i have heard about some crazy things going on here. just like any big city. cab guy told us that our hotel was next to a favela. a favela is like a big community of homemade homes. they have a bad rap in brasil. but they are plentiful indeed. so i told him that were lived in salvador for the past two months and were very familiar with favelas. which is true.

when he dropped us off at he failed to point out the favela. big fat liar!!!

we had reservations at mar ipanema in the muito famous area of ipanema. the hotel is pretty standard. no frills. very small living quarters. but whatever. it is only $45 a night each. after unpacking we took a very scenic cab ride up to barra de tijuca where jason's hotel is. the road out to barra reminds me of the blue ridge parkway (which is a scenic road through the blue ridge mountains in virginia, nc, tennessee, and georgia.) very, very beautiful. you can see the big blue ocean with white waves crashing against the often rocky coast line. there's all sorts of little oddly shaped mountains in the ocean and on land. not as many people out on the beach as i imagined. in fact. the beaches were virtually empty. but it is winter.

barra is a very wealthy area of rio. it kinda jolted me to see modern, fancy homes and hotels as you don't see this in salvador.

jason's hotel is very nice and modern. it has been two years since i last saw him (law school graduation). but we usually keep in touch all the time and i feel like we had no feelings of awkwardness. for O it was love at first sight. but that is all guys.

we ate lunch in the restaurant in jason's hotel. then took a walk along the beach. rio's beaches are very wide with lots of sand. then there is a big wide sidewalk between the road and the beach. this is for pedestrians and folks on bicycles. pretty cool.

later in the afternoon we went up Pao de Acucar. better known by gringos as sugarloaf mountain. it was pretty damn scary going up in a heavy cart on a light string. but at least it was quick. lol.

from the top you can see a lot of rio. copacabana. ipanema. tons of favelas. the marina. the sun was setting and the water appeared golden. jesus (the statue of) was way across the city on top of an even taller mountain. even with my super zoom (10x) i was only able to get a small version of him along with some radio towers that are located to his left. lol.

http://www.shutterfly.com/view/picture_dt.jsp?state=67b0de219870668c152e&idx=18" alt="Example" />

damn it!

i am annoyed b/c i am deprived of proper internet access. i only have two minutes

LOL. i am laughing at this paolostino (sp?) who is rapping in english.

anyway, in sao paolo now. so far, i love it. it is a big city with lots of cool things. sigh. tomorrow i have to find the harley davidson dealership for my parents and cousin myrtle and wilbert. hopefully they like big people here too. lol.

one minute. rio was good. i was totally lazy. and i feel bad b/c jason came all the way there to visit me. thanks j.

but whatever, i still had a nice time. i can´t believe how amazing this country is. i also cant believe i will be home soon. gotta

sete minutos

i am on a timer here. so, this blog will be short although i have a lot to say. hol-la!

i am in rio de janeiro (pronounced HEE-yoh day JAH-nerro). o and i arrived on thursday. and then we met up with my law school playmate, jason.

ooh. five minutes left. meu deus!

few words on rio:

ABSOLUTELY beautiful city. non-uniform mountains sprouted out in the middle of a tropically urban city.

UNAFFECTED cariocas (sp?). the people here are true city goers. no more friendly hellos from strangers

AGGRESSIVE cab drivers

DELICIOUS weather and views.

gotta run. more later.

country living, city dwelling

preface: my keyboard has a sticky spacebar. so, this post may be weird.

woke up this morning around 7am. i checked my watch and thought it was too early to be milling around in my new space. so, i laid around for 44minutes more. then i got up. re-organized my hastily packed suitcase. i did a very good job.

sidenote: this computer has headphones. so i have tuned into BBC online radio. lovely indeed.

O went to the store for fresh eggs, cheese, and bread. when she returned, she scrambled up some bacon-cheese omelets. meanwhile, i handwashed some laundry on back porch. i smiled as i inhaled the morning fragances of detergent, bacon, coffee. i also soaked in the surreal environment. there i was in a highrise apartment scrubbing clothes while my amiga was making a practically straight from the farm breakfast and while a rooster was cock-a-doodle-doing across the way in another highrise apartment building.

and the sun is shining today. it has been masked by clouds for the last few days. so, we will be going to the beach this afternoon. yipeee!

greedy

a couple of negotiation tips from mabi:
1. always know before hand what your ideal solution is and what your "bottom-line" is.
2. anticipate the other party´s bottom line, their ideal, and their exaggeration.
3. NEVER-EVER (pronounced loudly= nevuh evah!) go against your "bottom-line" because once you do, you have lost all credibility.
4. know a little about the other party and show some respect.
5. never let them see you sweat.

i have four days left in salvador. but my lease ended today. i thought staying a few days extra would be no problemo. but, my slumlord´s intermediary, C, told me i must come talk to her about this. sigh. so, i went to C´s agency to negotiate a four day stay in the apartment.

as expected C started out with all this mess about high season. "lots of italians coming to the area. three other people waiting for the apartment." note: it´s always three people are waiting. she said she negotiated the BEST deal for me. said she was "firm" with slumlord. blah blah blah. i sat and grinned at her, because i knew all this bullshit was coming. then she told me that i would keep the same rate. sounds good. not.

she explained my rate, for example was R$1300 for the month of july. same rate for august per C´s explanation. but instead of determining the daily rate by dividing by 31 days she divided by the number of days i was staying (well, actually 17 because my friend wanted to stay 13 days after i left). now, i am not a math-magician, but this doesn´t add up correctly. it´s like twice as much or more.

so, i pointed this out to her. we disagreed. she reminded me of the three italians waiting for the place. i leaned back in my chair and told her that she obviously has a better deal on deck and so do i. ;)

then she calls my slumlord (via phone), who was actually just down the hall from my apartment. go figure. they talk. more BS. i received two bottom lines. two.

now i naturally want to become indignant because this is all unnecessary. and i felt like they were taking me for a fool. must. stay. calm.

so I smile and say "hey, if you have three Italians waiting to pay more, you should go with them because I am not paying any more than i have been paying."

even if i would have been paying more at my plan b (i.e. the dollhouse), i would not have given them another dime on principle. truth is, slumlord and co. will have an empty apartment. there is no "italian" waiting. they got greedy and tried to shaft me. busters.

unfortunately, the dollhouse (my first digs here in salvador) was completely occupied. but O had my back. she asked her hostess to put me up for the next four nights. and she agreed. hol-la. i have now moved over to Torroro (toh-doh-DOH) for the final nights here. older, quaint apartment. $10 US a day. warm welcome and company.

cachoeira

i am sitting at the internet café cracking up. sundays i have to work at "gringo café" as i call it, because my cheaper spot is closed. anyway, i just noticed this poster of a poem by a guy named Damario D.

now, i was in damario´s home (in another city) yesterday and didn´t know he was so important that business establishments would have posters of his work displayed. lol. in fact, being the ass that i am, i was laughing and poking fun at him just yesterday. he is, in fact, one of the most dramatic people i have ever met.

you almost want to just pull the words out of his mouth because his dramatic pauses are too frequent. his inflective way of speaking forces listeners to lean in for understanding only to jump back in surprise/shock/consuion because he has, for example, just informed you that a window in his house was inspired by 19th century sexual practises of whites and blacks in brasil.

very weird cat. how did i meet him?

well, O and i made the bumpy, two-hour bus trip over to Cachoeira on saturday. there we met up with these two unversity students, luciana and lucia. O and luciana met a few weeks ago- future historians. immediately we were swept into the hazy reality of this small town. first there was the saturday market where you can buy a little bit of everything- pig intestines, handmade sandals, cloves, earrings, cow parts. lucia, a native of cachoeira, introduced us to a lady selling beans. she had never met Black people from america before. she told us that she did not believe that Black people lived in america.

"(gasp) gringas pretas!?!?! não! imposible!", she exclaimed, all the while rubbing my face.

before we walked on she hugged us real tight and told us that she was proud of us.

we walked through a straight up meat market. both disgusting and amazing. the amazing part was that the workers were in wearing flip flops and regular clothes and just a´leaning by the meat. not the sanitary set up to which i am accustomed.

after the market we began our stroll through town. i missed the kodak moment of my life. three little chocolate boys on donkeys (basket saddles and whipping sticks, the works) racing through the town center. while fumbling for my camera, i stared at the little boys, astonished. grinning ear to ear. this only made the leader of the pack whip the donkey more as he politely (but seriously) tilted his head to me.

my mama tells me i am a slow shooter when it comes to photography. she´s right.

we visited the "irmandade de nossa senhora da boa morte", sisterhood of our lady of good death.

from the New York Times:
***
The Boa Morte sisterhood was founded in the early 19th century, ostensibly with purely religious intentions to pray for the dead and to provide decent funerals for its members. In fact, the members also intended to preserve African traditions and to free slaves, either by helping them escape or by earning money to buy their freedom.
***

their history is deep. i literally got chills being in their space.

we strolled some more. pausing every few minutes so that lucía could greet people. she knows everybody. and when she introduced us to her friends she would say in portugeuse "and this is my friend O---, the name of my fourth child." LOL! she has no children so far. but... .

lunch was at a very tight little spot. we had a feast of chicken, fish, pinto beans, rice, mixed veggies, and coke. lucía and lucíana were dumbfounded when i told them this was a meal my very southern-american daddy would cook. and, true to their nature, our starving students killed their food. as our heavy lunch settled, we sat back relished the fact that we were all very educated women doing what we WANT to do.

then we went to Damarío´s place. the first floor is an art gallery/cafe/cd shop. go figure. lucía made us some cappucino and we rested. suddenly, damario (who had not previously introduced himself) told us he wanted us to see the rest of his house. and so began an involuntary tour. lol. he led us with his antique sword, which he explained was used by reverse-kkk members. huh? some guys who would dress up in black and kill slave masters (who were also their fathers) and free slaves. uh, ok.

each room, he said, was inspired by a different artist i.e. picasso, kahlo. i personally didn´t see the relationships. he also threw in random info about sex. not in a perverse way. somehow all of this information related to his house that he wanted us to see. oddly enough, this girl i met in salvador was there with her friend. small world. it was very difficult for us to behave. very. difficult. it was fun though.

our visit was not all fun and games though. to catch the bus back to salvador we had to hike across the river into sao felix. the old wooden bridge that connects the to towns is for every moving thing including people, trains, cars, donkeys, and wheel barrows. did i mention that it is old and wooden? i slowly crossed with much trepidation all the while contemplating how to manage panic swimming. i let out several squeals. prayed a lot. especially when the train passed by me. thankfully it was going very slow. i made it across safely. and we made it back to salvador safely. definately a worthwhile trip.

dinner was at a mexican restaurant in a posh neighborhood. it was wierd being around snooty people again. the food was ok. i miss mexican food and i got my fix with the sour cream and refried beans.

i leave salvador on thursday morning. and i have tons of stuff to do. pack. clean. buy cheap gifts (lol). change my plane ticket. send postcards that were written almost two months ago. take all the photos i have not taken. and, of course, go out.

girlfriends

i am so thankful to have met some cool buddies with whom to hang out in Salvador. They have all inspired me, introduced me, interpreted for me, blah blah blah.

BUT...

i needs my space.  nowadays, my girlfriends want to hang all the freaking time.  não.  this means "uh, no."

one of them will tell me that she will just show up at my place today.  for what?  we didnt make any plans. what you coming to mine for.  I have to work.  i have to relax. i need to by all by myself.

last night R and i met up to go to jorge's dress rehearsal.  we missed it.  so, i'm going to go home and go to bed.  não.  R wants to walk around campo grande and eat pipoco (popcorn).  then R wants to come to my house to borrow my pliers.  it's 11pm.  ok.  come get the pliers. 

"oh, maybe i will just sleep on your couch."

por que.  why.  you LITERALLY live around the corner from me.  you have a sizeable apartment to yourself. i am 28.  you are 38.  no slumber party. 

but of course, I say, "hmm."  this is my answer when i dont want to answer.  hmm.

this hepher is still on my couch asleep and i am at the "office."

and last night my new girlfriend (S) tricked me into dinner.  lol.  i am so dramatic.  i dont know the lady.  we met at the internet cafe.  have only exchanged a few words.  then she starts talking about the good pasta at this place.  on and on.  i'm thinking "hmm.  she wants me to say let's go get some. she is hinting around." i don't say anything.  then she finally asks me to go to dinner with her.  she's pregnant and visiting salvador with her two year old.  so, i go to dinner with her.

then there is my friend who works at the cafe.  i swear she asks me a billion questions everyday.  and i don't understand most of them.  she shows me photos on the computer.  ask me how to work the computer.  it's sweet.  but given my overload of girlfriends, it is annoying at times. 

i have been a stalker girlfriend before in my life.  i am sure.  i remember as a child always wanting to hang with tammy.  i would ride Pink Thunder, my huffy, up to tammy's house every morning.  and every afternoon.  and every evening.  until the street lights would come on.  then i would call her on the phone. 

so, it's all good though, right?